Yesterday I managed to compress a week an half's worth of emotional cycles into one day. I started the day in the right head space getting up earlier and doing some exercise including a nice fast walk. I was in a good mood I had gone to bed the night before saying I was going to turn over a new leaf and get my ass in gear.
I gave my self a good emote, I watched American Beauty, cleaned my room and changed my sheets. So yesterday started solid. I had the notion that I would use my walk to plan what I would do with the day. The positive mood started to get cracks in it quickly. As I walked and tried to plot out the next 8ish hours I realized I could hardly come up with an hours worth of clearly defined things to do. The day was not wasted but it was. I reviewed some technologies attached to a job I have not yet gotten, and in my current mood strongly doubt I will get. How much of that doubt is the mood and how much is real cause for not getting hired is unknown.
I do know that my history of getting past a first interview is not good. Nearly every job I have gotten I landed because there was a space that needed filled then and there. When I have gotten interviewed I never hear from the people again. So before the morning was out I was slipping down the slope of why bother.
The afternoon did not go to badly, I went for an other walk around lunch time had a few conversations, that always steers me back on the right mental track, picked up the book I wanted from the library. Laundry at least gave me the feeling of having done something. Cooking and the plans of meeting a long misplaced acquaintance from high school moved me along. The chili and corn bread was good.
I did get out on time to go to the pub, only to discover I had made a few tactical errors, I forgot to exchange phone numbers, I also did not look at any photos on face book. So I found my self in a packed Gas town pub not sure what I was looking for. In then end I left feeling down for having given up. It would have been better if there was a free seat at the bar then I could have waited thing out over a beer.
The evening was ultimately recovered when I went to my seemingly default thursday evening joint and did run into some people I knew and met a few others. My introspective mood did make me minimally social at first. Some alcohol and company repaired that. It does me good to start getting known in a place.
The song for yesterday was Phil Rossi, I Like Your Grave, I woke up with it in my head.