My brain is starting to itch. August was good. I had a good time moving in and getting back or in touch with people. It matches the first first level needs I left camp for. Now I find my self in a state of mind that is not quit entirely unlike the long dark tea time of the soul. At some level I have had my fill of leisure.
The shorter version is that I need work. As much as it is needed for the money I need it for the stimulation. Yet I say this I am slow to take action. As has happened before I get irritated with the doing of nothing, having cleaned the house enough. I also start to be come ashamed of my unemployed state. This can result in my hiding at home, not wanting to admit to my self or the world that I have this problem. On monday I went down town to do some foot work only to leave the key peace of paper with important addresses at home. I found that scrap today.
Thankfully the desire to do things is starting to strongly out weigh other forces. Now the part that I really hate is starting, the slog through online postings, in person meet ups and phone calls to get rejected.
I know that on paper I am qualified do a reasonable range of jobs, I can even swing a decent career out of my education and ambition but I can not say with certainty that any thing I am looking at applying for will yield satisfaction. I also know I have to accept those risks, I walked out on a job because it failed at nearly every level all at once and I know that things will fail.
I am starting to write here again because I realized that I need to get my thoughts in order, a month of slackerhood has made me soft. Now I need to put pressure on myself and clear my head. I know I will get pissed off with these ventures but I also know I will not fail our right simply because I have enough drive to get irritated with a static existence.
In the mean time I have chicken stock forming on the stove top, a utility item for later when I will lack the food time have now.