I have been delaying writing this for some time. But for some time stress has been building. I suppose its normal. I am not busy enough, nor am I getting my head in gear enough to really fix it. The cumulative effect of this is I find me self more bored and lonely then I would like. The key symptom is tension in my jaw, to the point of nearly being painful.
As I had said on facebook, the trouble with the current period of my life is that it got started with such a completely emotional decision that following up on that with rational actions leaves me second guessing things. On July 20th , when I left the Elkhart job, I was certain of what I did not want to do. The life style desired was clear in my mind the means to support that less so.
A flurry of activity to get settled kept my mind occupied for some time. But as time passed and the obvious targets for jobs came back with negative news my mood and motivation weakened. I always have this irritating thought, running through my head when ever I am looking for work. I am educated I have a couple peaces of paper to prove that I passed through some programs, but I don't really know what I can do. I don't have an clear idea of what jobs I am qualified for. Often enough I wonder if I could find a form of happy working at a coffee shop with people hipper then I. I feel that would not really work.
Right now my best prospects will take me out of town if they pan out. On a short term basis. I am not sure how I feel about that all in all. Certainly, the money will solve the problems it can solve. I just wonder how far I can go on that path. Ultimately I want to have a job in town. In the end I will take what I can get and make the best of it. Lacking a clear passion to steer me that is just how I am going to have to stumble through life.
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