Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Homeless: Discontent Part III

Homeless: Discontent Part III

I am homeless. Clearly I am not broken down living on the street. I could rent a place to live if I choose to. I have not made that choice in the last two years.
For two years less two months I have been working out here at Discovery in the North West Territory. I have been staying in a camp for six weeks at a time with two weeks off. Maintaining a place, through paying rent is clearly a waste of money. As a result I can not call any place mine. To fill the need of a place to be I have returned to a place that was always partly mine, I have started to say withe my parents during my time off something of a default.

So I returned to a default, one seldom used for the long term but, logical for now. The arrangement is economical for me, I pay in to the food bill, and once or twice my labour has been used as well. This set up is made favourable by the log cabin on the property. The old house, gives me the privacy I want with the added bonus of good acoustics and a wood stove. But it is not mine, it will never be mine. It will always be the families, there will always be a mix of stuff; Mine mixed in with the stuff left behind by the sister and the stuff that has always been there. It is also located near Nakusp a town that I can not call home even though I grew up there. I get cabin fever too quickly out there.

My Homeless state is something of a function of the taking this job and the time leading up to that choice. During the spring of 2006, I was finishing up my degree and having a rough time of it. My interest in schooling was waning again, I have a meta cycle in my life that brings me in and out of school periodically, but that is for its own post. Because of my fading interest in school my interest and efforts to apply to grad school were falling short. I had ordered up a few info packages and application forms but I had not really done the proper research needed to do that seriously. So I defaulted to taking the first good job that came along.

Taking this job has lead to a from of mental homelessness. When I did not pursue grad school and therefore did not get accepted I was left with no where to go. Grad school would have given me a place to live, because the school that would accept me would make its city my home. Choosing where to live for me. Instead my work makes it possible for me to live any where not too far from an airport. But my work also makes living any were seem pointless. As long as I am renting not buying and as long as I am out here for six weeks I have no solid motive to hunt for a place.

I have traveled too little even with in Canada to have enough of a base line to know which towns I want to live in. But I want to live some where I can call mine. I am too much of a homebody to want to live this disconnected life forever.

Right now I partly live out my car, keeping a chest of useful things in it for when I land. Its a good thing too, I always have a change of civilian cloths for when I come out of the bush. It lets me head of to visit friends with out hesitation, but my car is not home. It has helped me survey a few towns. I have taken a liking to Penticton, but I remain unconvinced of the long term appeal of that town.

Vancouver has many charms but I would not want to do it two weeks at a time I would want it full time or not at all. All in all I don't know where I want to live just yet. I suspect that when I get my ass in gear I will start to seriously apply to grad schools, I will eventually get accepted and that will bring my original plan to completion. Leaving me with a life style that lets me sleep in my own bed more nights then not.

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